In case you are weird and don;t know who Chuck Norris is, he is on the Total Gym commercials.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.


Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.

When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.

Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.

Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.

Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.


Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost


Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.


Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.

Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song.

Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.

Chuck Norris doesn't really write books, words just assemble themselves out of fear.

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? All of it.

Chuck Norris doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.

On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.

Nobody doesn't like Sara Lee. Except Chuck Norris.

Archeologists unearthed an old english dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined "victim" as "one who has encountered Chuck Norris"

Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.

If you Google search "Chuck Norris getting his butt kicked" you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen.

Chuck Norris doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.


Chuck Norris has a deep and abiding respect for human life... unless it gets in his way.

The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square, until Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked one of the corners off.

There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma.

James Cameron wanted Chuck Norris to play the Terminator. However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.

Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.

When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.


There is in fact an “I” in Norris, but there is no “team”… not even close

Scotty in Star Trek often says “Ye cannae change the laws of physics.” This is untrue. Chuck Norris can change the laws of physics. With his fists.

Hellen Keller's favorite color is Chuck Norris.

A study showed the leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart disease, 2. Chuck Norris, 3. Cancer

Along with his black belt, Chuck Norris often chooses to wear brown shoes. No one has DARED call him on it. Ever.

Chuck Norris doesn't play god. Playing is for children.

When you take the SAT, write Chuck Norris for every answer. You will score over 8000.

Lightning never strikes twice in one place because Chuck Norris is looking for it.


Chuck Norris was once a knight in King Arthur's court. He was known as Sir Beatdown.

When Chuck Norris was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald's because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's.

Chuck Norris does not know about this website. If he did he would have deleted the internet.

All these facts are from chucknorrisfacts.com. Keep watching this page for more!